Depression had a hold of me and I gave in.

I have not had this severe of an attack in many years.  Bouts usually last about a week during my times at home.  This year I made the choice to not fight it.

I didn’t just wake up one morning and say “I’m going to just totally give up on everyone and everything for the next month”.  I did, however, allow one day to collide with the next without stopping the feelings and thoughts from taking over.

It began in early February with guilt.  With the extremely mild winter we had I could have been out driving with Joe instead of being home.  My daily life became like a train.  Starting with the locomotive (Guilt) and each succeeding event added a new “car” to the train until I had a mile long tail behind me pushing and pulling at my thoughts and my feelings.

I could keep myself together while I had something to occupy my mind and my hands.  After the first of March I did myself in when I took on the task of judging little children’s efforts at self expression.  That was when the “train wreck” began.

My worry and concern for Joe’s health added to the downfall.  He had gone through radiation treatments for his Prostate Cancer a few years ago.  Recently he has been complaining of severe pain in his right hip joint.  He has told me about times he has experienced the right leg nearly collapsing on him. Guilt at leaving him alone out on the highways while I remained home and not sharing the work load was the biggest factor in my depression.

Thoughts of his cancer returning and going into his bones has been a major worry for me, and Joe as well.  The good news is that it is his arthritis that is causing the trouble and not cancer.  I went with Joe to one of his doctor appointments and we were both assured the cancer had not returned.

That was last week and my depression has been lifting daily.  Enough that I have made a choice to get in my room and get it sorted and cleaned up so I can get back into being creative.

My craft room, once a place that brought me joy and excitement, became a dungeon and I dreaded going in there.  That room was such a mess I could not move around in there without tripping over a box or a bin.  My work surface was piled high with stuff that cascaded to the floor with each item(s) that was tossed onto the already overflowing surface.

Heather came over twice during that time and I had an impossible task of getting to my cupboards for punches and supplies to help her in the projects we worked on.  Which meant the kitchen table became the new surface to pile stuff on and leave.

Forcing myself to make the choice to come out of this funk has been a trial.  I’m getting there.  Starting with sorting my scrap papers and getting them in one central area.

Scrap paper piles

Scrap paper piles

More scrap paper

More scrap paper

More scrap papers

More scrap papers

More and more scrap papers

More and more scrap papers

Small to medium pieces now placed in bins

Small to medium pieces now placed in bins

Larger pieces placed in baskets

Larger pieces placed in baskets

I cleared my room totally out and moved everything into the kitchen.  I emptied out the closet and have made that to hold the storage boxes for rubber stamps and other things I don’t use very often.

Emptied the closet

Emptied the closet

Rubber stamps and other items I don't use much

Rubber stamps and other items I don't use much

After getting my craft room emptied I spent a good deal of time surfing the internet, not the best time to do it but I took a break, for making better use of my small space.  I came across an article about making a living room/dining room/office area work better by setting up “Zones”.

I now have a “Zone” for my paper handling and storage.  All of my die cutting and embossing tools are in baskets and placed in the cubby holes.  Paper scraps and whole sheets are stored in this area.  Across to the right I lowered the towel bars on the wall so I could store all of my paper punches.   Once I get that fabric cutting table (I’ve had for 20 years) cleared off and junk dealt with, that will be the area I do my die cutting.

Die cutting and paper

Die cutting and paper

Ribbon and trims were dumped in a folding crate and such a tangled mess.

Ribbon and trim dumped in a crate

Ribbon and trim dumped in a crate

Making the effort to sort through the ribbons and getting them wound on clothes pins – those that are not already on spools – was a bit of madness.  I wondered if I had just gone and lost my mind totally.  But the results are very pleasing.

Ribbon wound on clothes pins

Ribbon wound on clothes pins

Bulky lace trims have been wound up and placed in glass bowls for easy access.

Bulky lace trims neatly wound and stored in glass bowls

Bulky lace trims neatly wound and stored in glass bowls.

This work began on Friday, after Joe left town after having been home for a week.  This sorting and storing has been my way of getting out of the terrible depression I have been in.  It still lingers and follows me around but the grip it held on me has been loosened.

Enough of the depression has lifted that I have been able to, once again, check my emails and read the blogs of my friends to see what is going on in their lives.

Lynn!!  I’m so excited for you having won the windfall of blog candy.  Your cards are beautiful and the forum you have joined is fantastic.  Reading  your blog and seeing the charity you are working for in the forum is heart warming.  You totally deserve to have the goodies!!  I’m so excited for you.

Shelly, my cell phone had been compromised and hacked up a fur ball.  I had to take it in to an AT&T store to have it fixed.  I didn’t even know you had called and left a message until last night after my phone was fixed.  Joe and I have been talking since he left via our fax line.  I’ve had to disconnect it from the fax and be tied down to the wall phone until late yesterday afternoon.

Looks like you and your family had a wonderful trip over spring break.  I’m looking forward to reading more of your recent blog post later today.

The condition of my mental health is getting better as I get more into my craft room and get it sorted out.  As I unravel my mental state my craft room gets unraveled as well.  I’m going to be working in there yet today and I have plans on making a stamp pad storage unit out of foam core board tomorrow.  I watched a YouTube video yesterday – the first one in months – that has inspired me.

I’m sorry I have left you all to worrying about me.  I have no excuse for it but I am getting back to being my old self.  I guess because I don’t get “physically ill” I make up for it by being “mentally ill”.  Maybe next time I’d prefer a bout of flu over this depression.

Okay, off to my craft room so I can get my room cleaned and sorted then begin the task of creating an ink pad storage system.

 

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. aspot2stamp
    Apr 01, 2012 @ 16:47:52

    Oh Leslie How I love you My friend 🙂 So sorry to hear of the terrible scare with Joe, I know all to well how it felt when they told us Brian may have cancer in his esphogus last year That can really suck the life out of you with worry. But I rejoice with you and Joe that worry has been lifted off your shoulders. I have been praying for you both . I want you to know that I am here for you anytime anyday I know I’m not near you but I’m only a call or text or email away Thats what friends are for. Wow you’ve been busy in the rearranging of your space Looks fantastic !! That’s what I’m doing today I can’t believe how messy things are around here. I think a little mess maker came to visit while I was on vacation lol. We are back to school tomorrow and have a short week with Easter being next Sunday then thats the last days off til school ends for the year ( In about 7 weeks ). Please dont fret about my children and the contest they had a blast coloring with me and each one enjoyed just entering plus being posted on not 1 but 2 blogs and getting your emails. The latter was a real treat by the way since they have limited internet usage. It made them feel important. Brian and I work hard to teach our children to have confidence in their selves and that each of us have different talents. How boing this world would be if we were all the same. God has blessed each of us differently so we can bless each other. I thank God that He has given me great friends here on the internet How lucky am I 🙂

    I will end now so I can get my room cleaned I have the small ones all week and dont need the help I’m sure they’d give me 🙂 on the room.

    I love you
    Shelly

    Reply

    • Message In A Fold
      Apr 02, 2012 @ 10:11:22

      Thank you my Friend. I love and appreciate you and your friendship. I’m thankful that your children were not upset over my choices. I still have your stuff to mail off. That was a catastrophe of the depression as well. Man, am I glad I’m seeing the back side of that!

      Glad to read you and your family had a wonderful time at the indoor water park! And you arrived home safely. Those dag-nab-it mess fairies work over time don’t they 😀 Just wish they would clean up after themselves 😀 I’ve really got to make a change and be more diligent about my slothful habits 😦

      Thank you again, my Friend.

      Love you – Leslie

      Reply

  2. Maureen Mathis
    Apr 01, 2012 @ 17:39:33

    Glad you are “walking through the valley of the shadow” shall we say! It was NOT meant to be indefinitely camped out in, I say! I find a lot of comfort in Psalm 23, and not just when I hear it read at funerals. Just keep taking it one step at a time, girlfriend; especially when you talk about getting your craft room in order, because it sounds like THAT is the ONLY way you can get in right now!

    I always feel better after organizing something; sometimes I even wander over into the tiny scrapbook section in Wal Mart, and just spend 10 minutes getting their stickers and cricut cartridges in order. It’s so relaxing; I’m sure they must think I’m nuts – so actually I guess they are right! It’s nice walking away, knowing that I’ve made things better, you know? Must be the girl scout in me, I guess.

    You should also consider the fact that those web design classes always take a lot out of you, too, or at least the last 2 years that I’ve known you to do them. Maybe it takes more out of you than it helps you; only you can be the judge of that!

    I almost called you the other day. I have trouble getting my video to upload to imovie; after about 3,000 times, it finally loaded, but I have no idea what did the trick, cause I tried it like 2,999 times before. I just get so frustrated that I keep clicking. Actually I think my Mac just likes to be tickled a lot when I try to do things like that. kind of like a puppy, I guess…. Hope you are enjoying the sunshine; doesn’t it help give you vitamin D or something like that? Somehow, it’s supposed to help people’s mood; ME, it just makes me SWEAT!

    I love you, happy or sad. You are still a blessing to me, and I pray for you frequently!

    Reply

    • Message In A Fold
      Apr 02, 2012 @ 10:21:58

      I’m just glad I made it OUT of the “Valley of Shadow”. Thank you for that reference my Friend. I didn’t think of it that way. Just a black hole. Now I can turn back and see what I came through from your lovely and spirit lifting reference to the 23rd Psalm. Thank you, a thousand times.

      I don’t know what kind of video camera you have. I have a “Fire Wire” type of cord that I leave plugged into one of my external hard drives. The other end gets plugged into my video camera. When I’m ready to upload video to my MAC I just plug in the camera and turn the dial to PLAY. That is after I open iMovie first. The iMovie then automatically opens the download area and all I have to do is click on the IMPORT button then walk away while my tape is rewound and then transferred to my computer.

      I know that reading the manual is a huge DRAG but there might be something in it that tells your camera what to do when plugged into your computer. That is the one thing I love about the MAC – plug it in, wait for the prompts, click on them and leave.

      I have decided that cramming a years worth of work in the space of two to three months is not a good thing to do. Bookwork, website building, and other things I take on just leave my brain no rest.

      You are too funny. Straightening the products on the shelves. I do have to admit that doing things like that do help. Physical labor during the times I’m home is good for me. Cleaning is a good work out 😀

      Thank you my Friend. I love and appreciate you.

      Love you – Leslie

      Reply

  3. gardenpinks
    Apr 04, 2012 @ 07:57:13

    I knew there was soimething amiss! My dear friend I know about depression having suffered it in the past and was almost there again just recently. This damn flu type bug drags you down and I almost let it, I could feel the first black tentacles but Rod stepped in when he realised where I was heading and diverted the catastrophe – thank heavens for the love of a decent man 🙂
    I am so happy that you have managed to drag yourself out of that pit and that the worry over Joe has been sorted. Huge hugs and loads of love being sent to you.

    Glad you are coming to terms with organising your craft room to help you through this time. Love what you have done so far and I also like the look of some of that lace trim – the pink one is gorgeous 🙂

    Love and hugs
    Lynn x

    Reply

    • Message In A Fold
      Apr 04, 2012 @ 14:07:51

      Thank you Lynn 😀 Finding out that Joe is not in a crisis condition helped with my over worked imagination. Plus the physical labor of getting my room sorted out was just the right thing to get me out of the funk.

      You have a box on its way to your home. Sorry it is so tardy in coming. It is for you and Kim. I was in such a dash to finally get it mailed off so it would stop badgering me I totally forgot to take the price tags off of some stuff. Sorry for that. There is a set of embossing folders in the box for you. You and Kim will have to work out who gets what since the both of you like owls 😀 I have put in a window “faux” stained glass thing featuring an owl and a cute rubber stamp I found with a couple owls on it. My way of making myself feel better about the coloring contest fiasco.

      Love you my Friend, and thank you for being my friend.

      Leslie

      Reply

      • gardenpinks
        Apr 04, 2012 @ 15:38:44

        Leslie – Kim and I will enjoy whatever you have sent and don’t feel so guilty and don’t sorry about leaving price tags on 🙂 The contest wasn’t a fiasco, why did you think it was? The children enjoyed taking part and that is what is important.
        Love and hugs
        Lynn x

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